Training the Mind to Think

While I love and post quite a bit about fluffy topics {fashion, décor, events, crafts, anything sparkly and pretty} they are not what keep me up at night. Like other parents out there, I am up wondering if I am building strong, brave, innovative thinkers who are not afraid to think outside the box, who can stand up for themselves and who can ultimately accept and love themselves for who they are.

We all know how important it is for girls and boys to be armed with confidence and problem-solving skills to tackle life’s curveballs. During my first pregnancy, I had a plan where I would never compliment my children on their looks or material items; instead I would compliment them on their intelligence. Well, shortly after my daughter was born, I read NurtureShock, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, and reconsidered my original plan. They used scientific research to show that consistently praising children for intelligence rather than effort does more harm than good [1]. They went on to discuss how praise {again on the process and not on intelligence} should be specific and sincere. They also made an interesting observation that kids who are constantly told they are smart tend to take less risks and tackle “easier” subjects for fear of failure. Bronson and Merryman highlighted a study conducted by Columbia University that showed that 85% of American parents think it is important to tell their kids that they are smart.

Now here is my concern, if I am making the conscious effort to be in that 15% where I refrain from praising their intelligence and instead praise the process…what happens when they overhear the excessive, blanket praise from their friends’ parents? Could that harm their self-esteem in some way?

A little off topic, but wondering if at all related…I hear so much about STEM {science, technology, engineering and math} curriculum and how important it is to expose our kids, especially girls, to these topics so that they can pursue careers in such positions because of declining interest. According to a 2009 study from the U.S. Department of Commerce, women filled close to half of all jobs in the U.S. economy, but they held less than 25% of STEM jobs [2]. And although the number of women in the science and engineering workforce has increased compared to the past, there are still low proportions of women in engineering, computer science and mathematical science occupations [3]. Could “praise-junkie”[1] parenting have led children to shy away from these more challenging subjects? Could their fear of failing and thus undermining the “smart” identification that parents have bestowed upon them caused this shift over time? I seriously do not know the answer to this.

While I do not know if there is any correlation, what I do know is books; fantastic books for kids that can spark their curiosity and solution seeking. I especially love innovative books for girls as I am doing everything to inspire my three-year-old to gravitate towards STEM topics. By the way, I should mention that I have nothing against boys, my son is only 9-months-old and all of our reading material centers around animals, the moon, etc.…I will look into books for him when we get there.

Here are my two must have books for young girls {and/or boys}:

Rosie Revere, Engineer, by Andrea Beaty and The Most Magnificent Thing, by Ashley Spires are wonderful books that explore the process of invention. The characters in these books make mistakes, lots of them. They even get upset, angry, frustrated, but most importantly they do not give up. They look at their goal from a different perspective. In The Most Magnificent Thing the main character even learns from her mistakes/failed projects and is able to apply that to creating that magnificent invention. These authors help open up some great dialogue about why mistakes are okay and we cannot expect perfection. Rather, we must continue to try and devote ourselves to the process in order to achieve our goals.

It is so fascinating to see how after reading these books even a three-year-old will start thinking and talking about solutions. In the past, she often brought up her desire to climb/walk on the walls and we told her one day she would figure out how to do it…not too long ago she proposed that she needed to buy suction cups to glue on her shoes to achieve her goal. That was pretty awesome. She also drew straight lines on the walls with blue crayon to help her see where she needed to walk. That wasn’t so awesome, but hey, she is only three!

Happy Reading,

Shahla

 

NOTES

[1] Bronson, Po, and Ashley Merryman. NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children. New York: Twelve, 2009. Print.

[2] Beede, D. (2001, August). Women in STEM: A Gender Gap to Innovation. Retrieved from http://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED523766.pdf

[3] NSF, Science & Engineering Indicators, 2014