What is a unicorn mom? My personal definition of a unicorn mom has changed through the years. When I was pregnant with my first child, I based my definition on the movie adapted from the book, What to Expect When Expecting. When a pulled together mom-to-be was dubbed a “magical pregnancy unicorn.” Therefore, I thought a unicorn mom was one who did it all and still looked pulled together.
Fast forward to now; life with two kids and my new definition: a mom who supports other parents, who does not judge, who looks out for the kids in her “village”
A few years ago, I wrote a post on unicorn moms on the Huffington Post blog and thought it was time to share an updated version here:
My son was a screamer, everywhere and all the time. Well, maybe not all the time, but definitely when he could not convey his feelings, which was A LOT of times when he was younger.
When we went to a theme park with our then 4-year-old and 1-and-a-half-year-old. The little guy had the hardest time understanding why he had to wait in line for 20 minutes to see a character he loved and only get 60 seconds with him, so my son voiced his frustrations by screaming.
I tried whatever I could to calm him down, shushed him, rocked him back and forth, walked around. Nothing worked. The lady in line behind me called over an employee and put her fingers to her temple. She told the employee she’d rather shoot herself than listen to my son.
I turned around and shot her a look. But I didn’t dare say anything because my glasses were hiding the fact that tears were threatening to roll down my face.
I wanted to ask Judgy McJudgerson why she, a grown adult, was in line to see a cartoon character with no children to be seen. But that would make me a Judgy McJudgerson also and all I really wanted to do was melt away at that moment.
After Bubbs got his 60 seconds with his favorite character, we made a beeline for my husband and daughter. Then my ugly cry made its way to the surface. I was disappointed in myself for letting her get to me. I was supposed to stand up for myself and for my son, but instead I cried.
It was a long and trying day with a teething, irrational toddler. I already felt like I was failing, I didn’t need a stranger to confirm my insecurities.
I can continue to share stories about mom-shaming…I’ve got plenty. Seriously, I gave that woman and women like her far too much attention and mental space.
Instead, I would like to focus my time and energy on thanking the awesome unicorn moms out there. The ones who are compassionate and cheer each other on during a success and offer kind words when the going gets tough.
Thank you to the mom who helped me unload my groceries at the checkout stand and even had her young boys help. I was a brand-new mama, making my first trip to the grocery store alone. I was wearing my sleeping baby and she didn’t want me to wake her. She said it was good for her sons to learn the importance of helping others at a young age. Her kindness made me realize how a small act can be so big to someone else.
Thank you to the mom who offered kind words when my then two-year-old daughter pulled my hair and hit me when I was trying to get her to leave gymnastics. The sweet mama, whom I had never met, came up to me and placed her hand on my arm and said, “You are doing a good job.” She then showed me a bruise on her hand from her daughter biting her the day before. It was a show of solidarity. I felt a little less alone and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you to the mom who got up and offered to help clear our table at a local deli. She said her kids were in college and she still remembered how hard it was to keep an eye on the kids and do something as simple as throw trash away.
Thank you to the mom who overheard my conversation with my daughter in a public restroom about her very real fear of hand dryers. She yelled from over the stall that she would stand guard and not let anyone use it while my daughter was in the restroom. That was just the pep talk she needed and I wish she could have seen the look of relief on my daughter’s face (and on mine).
Thank you to the mommy friends who I can text a” what the…” message during our witching hour (or hours as ours tends to last from 3-5). The ones who offer advice and assure me that I’m am not going through whatever crazy phase is happening alone (swinging on the bed canopy and breaking the chandelier?? Anyone?). The ones who recharge my soul, whether it is through a coffee date, play date or girls’ night out.
Thank you to the mom who knew I was struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety and checked in on me. She told me it was okay to feel the way that I was feeling and that it did not make me weak or a bad mom. She listened to me without judgement. She shared her own struggles, encouraged me and offered to be a shoulder I could lean on as I embarked on my healing journey.
Thank you to the mom who jumped into the pool last week when a young girl did a backflip and hit her head on a step. She did not know her, and yet treated this girl as if she was her own. This unicorn mom carried the young girl out, put her on a chair and kept her comforted. As I came back from bringing the lifeguard to start concussion protocols, another mom returned from the snack shack to bring her ice. No one knew who the young girl was at the time, but everyone’s motherly instincts kicked in to help.
These acts of kindness are not expected, but they are truly appreciated when they happen. They’ve made me look around more to see how I can help. They’ve made me recognize the amazing community of unicorn mothers around me.
So, this isn’t about those Judgy McJudgersons. It’s about you awesomely amazing unicorn mamas who support one another. It’s about your mom tribe who offer a hug and a “keep your head up” when you are dealing with terrible twos, threenager tantrums or ef*%ng fours. Look around, your village of unicorn mamas surrounds you…some are strangers, some are not.
Cheers to all you amazing unicorm mamas! And you better believe I’m paying this forward with every opportunity that is presented.
With love,
Shahla
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